Desperation in the Night
by Shadowmaiden3
Summary: Semi-permanent HIATUS; Cause: Muse desertion. Rin's adventures with Sesshoumaru. She isn't the same little girl that he saved in the forest anymore. My first fic, post canon, Rin's POV. especially review if you add it to anything!
1. The Dagger

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Inuyasha, so if you don't like what I'm saying, write a review, not a check for your lawyer, okay? Besides, I like Rumiko Takahashi's work way too much to copy.

Thank you to Inashosetai for being an un-official beta. So many things are now smoothed over thanks to you!

This started as a random clip of a story that popped into my head and wouldn't get out, so I don't know how it will end up. Please read and review and be brutally honest.

Since I don't know what age Rin was when Sesshomaru saved her, you are free to make your own guess, but in this story I think she is around 16-17.

This is after the manga ended.

* * *

Rin is smiling; it's the first day of the fifth year since Sesshomaru-sama had returned to get her from Kaede's village. She supposed it was an anniversary of sorts, and since she couldn't remember the exact day he brought her back to life, this would have to do.

The beginning of her life with him, her real birthday.

She looks up from Ah-Un's saddle, at the oblivious object of her thoughts. Even though she is now nearly as tall as he, Sesshomaru-sama still makes her ride Ah-Un. Though Jaken rides in front of her now, since he no longer needs to hold her on; now it's _her_ turn to hold _him_ on if Sesshomaru-sama needed to move quickly.

Almost as if he could feel her thoughts, Sesshomaru-sama turns to look over his shoulder. She drops her gaze immediately, and returns to studying the long-since memorized but intricate trim on the saddle. He rarely said anything, but she wished that just once...She slams the door on her thoughts, it is _completely_ out of order for her to be allowing her thoughts to roam down those thorny, winding tracks. Once she started down that path, there would be no returning until she asked herself the Question.

Does he think about me as I think of him?

She shakes her head violently to clear it.

"Hey! What do you think you are doing, you silly girl?"

She realizes that she had nearly knocked Jaken out of the saddle.

"Sorry, Jaken-sama."

"Hmph."

She hides her smile. Jaken never accepts her apologies, but she doesn't mind.

"We will stop here."

As always Sesshomaru-sama's voice takes her by surprise, he so rarely said anything that every time he said anything it was a shock.

Though always a pleasant one.

She slides down and lands easily on the uneven ground. As she takes Ah-Un's reigns, she watches Sesshomaru-sama, marveling at his movements. He almost floats over the ground; he is so in control of himself. She marvels as an unexpected breeze ripples through the clearing, ruffling his long silver hair, lifting it off his back, letting the moonlight slide down in a bright wave. She tells Ah-Un to stay at the edge of the camp, and stands there, staring from the shadows, because she knows from experience that Jaken's eyes are not strong enough to penetrate them, and she can admire Sesshomaru-sama in peace.

He stares into the night, out over the small pond, so still that he seems more a deity than an actual earthly being. She longs to walk out and stand beside him, perhaps take his hand. They would stand there until he asked her if she was tired...

She squeezes her eyes tightly and wraps her arms around herself, doing her best to ignore the aching hole in her chest.

She walks out of the shadow of the tree, and finds a spot to sleep. As she gathers leaves and then branches to make her bed, she watches Sesshomaru-sama out of the corner of her eye. He doesn't even twitch when she steps into a pile of twigs, making an explosion of noise.

As she lies down, she feels a lump digging into her side. She pulls out the offending object, and once again, admires the quality and beauty of the long dagger Sesshomaru-sama had given her.

She can remember when she had gotten it as though it had happened that day.

*********Three Years Ago*********

_Sesshomaru-sama carried her on his back, racing faster than any horse across a burning plain. The ground was so hot she could feel the skin on her legs baking dry even at this speed. She clutched herself tighter to his back, careful not to strangle him. It was the first time he had ever carried her like this; well, not the first, but the first since she had begun to feel anything other than awe for him. She shifted around, trying to move the fabric that had bunched up around her waist, but only succeeded in moving her kimono around so it was twisted as well._

"_Stop squirming or I shall drop you here and you can walk back."_

_She froze, then buried her head in his shoulder. She caught his scent as she did, and took another breath, savoring the smell of pine and cinnamon._

_She heard a sigh, and looked up at his golden eyes._

"_Rin,"_

"_Yes, _ _Sesshomaru-sama?"_

"_We are here."_

_She blushed violently as she landed unsteadily on the ground. She almost fell in surprise when Sesshomaru-sama's hand came to steady her. She looked up at him in astonishment, and for a fleeting second, she thought she saw concern, and something else, burning in his eyes._

_Then he released her arm, and walked away._

_Toward a _huge_ toothed skull._

"_Who are you and what do you want?" wheezed a voice from the interior of the skull. "If that's you Karanoru, I've told you already, I can't finish a blade—"_

_Sesshomaru-sama walked into the mouth of the long-dead beast._

_She heard a gasp, then, "Sesshomaru! I thought you were happy—"_

"_Shut up, Totosai."_

_She ran to the mouth of the skull, and peered in from behind a tooth. Sesshomaru-sama was standing, magnificent as always__...Shut up!__—Sesshomaru-sama was standing in front of an old gray-haired man with a topknot and a petrified expression._

"_I did not come about Tenseiga."_

_The old man looked relieved, "So what did you come here for?"_

"_I want you to forge me a sword, or rather, a dagger."_

"_Hmmm. What do you want a dagger for? You already have two swords."_

"_It is not for me."_

"_Hmmm." He looked at the tooth Rin was behind, then focused back on Sesshomaru-sama. "I will need a tooth to forge it."_

_Something white landed in Totosai's lap. "Here."_

_Totosai looked down at the tooth in surprise, then again at Sesshomaru-sama, "Humph, this isn't any ordinary tooth of yours; this is one of your fangs."_

"_I know." As he spoke, she suddenly notices that one of his canines was missing._

"_If this dagger isn't for you, I will need to see the person who will be wielding it, so I can make it the appropriate size and weight."_

_Sesshomaru-sama closed his eyes and sighed, but didn't push the issue. "Rin, you can come out."_

_Rin stepped into the cave, and timidly approached Totosai. She had met him before, but she did not remember much about him, except that he could blow fire out of his mouth and he was a master bladesmith. _

_He spun her around, and had her hold some small weights, then he measured her reach. When he was done, she sat in an unoccupied corner to watch._

"_Since it is only a dagger, it shouldn't take more than a day." Totosai said._


	2. Longing

_She couldn't understand how, but as Totosai blew on the fang, it seemed to grow, and it grew even more as he hammered it. It got the longer, until it was perhaps a foot and a half long, and instead of being in the shape of a fang, it was closer to the shape of a bamboo leaf._

_She closed her eyes, waiting._

_She shifted, and realized that she had been in the same position for many hours. _

_She smelled pine and felt something lightly touch her shoulder, but when she opened her eyes, Sesshomaru-sama was leaning against the wall on the other side of the cave._

"_Here you are, girl. Try it out." Totosai held out the dagger out to her, hilt first. Sesshomaru-sama stepped away from the wall, but before he could do anything, she grasped the offered weapon._

_The shockwave knocked the wind out of her, and would have thrown her against the wall if she had not already been leaning against it. The sheer _power_ of the blade astonished her. The waves of yukai energy rolled up her arms, trying to take her mind._

_She refused to let it._

_She saw Sesshomaru-sama take Totosai by the throat and lift him off the ground, a slightly crazed expression on his face._

_Her breath came in short grunts as she fought the blade that had been forged for her. Instinctively, she bared her teeth, struggling to hold her own._

_Sesshomaru-sama and Totosai both looked over at her in surprise. The energy from the dagger swamped her, and she fought against it with everything she had._

_She faintly remembered Inuyasha saying something about yukai energy; that it flowed in a pattern, and if you messed it up…_

_She tried to find a pattern in the wild, flowing forces buffeting her, struggled to make sense of the madness, but there seemed to be no predicting...Wait, she stopped flailing around and let herself _feel_. _

_ She saw it. It was a whirlpool. _

_She didn't know why, but she started to spin herself in the opposite direction, counteracting the forces, forcing __it to flow around her._

_Soon __she __was in control of the flow, and she allowed herself to sink back into her body. _Oh, OW! _She thought. She was still sitting against the wall in Totosai's smithy, and every muscle in her body was on fire._

_She—painfully—lifted the dagger. She could still sense the youki flowing in the blade, but now it was under her control. She looked over at Sesshomaru-sama, but she couldn't find him anywhere. She started to panic, and tried to lever herself up from the floor—only to fall flat on her face. The noise caught the attention of Totosai, who seemed like he couldn't believe his eyes. "How are you alive? You should have been killed or overtaken by youki as powerful as Sesshomaru's."_

_Rin tried to answer, but her throat didn't work right. _

_Still wearing a look of wonder, Totosai_ got up and brought her water!

"_Here," he said. As she sipped from the ladle, she wondered why a yukai like Totosai would serve her, a human girl._

_After she finished, Totosai asked again, "How are you still alive?"_

"_I don't know myself." As she explained what had happened, the smith's expression was so shocked she couldn't help herself._

_She laughed._

_Then she clamped her hand over her mouth. "Sorry, sorry. Sorry! I shouldn't have laughed, but your face..."_

_Totosai wasn't even paying attention to her. _

_Since he had been so nice with the water, she decided to push her luck just a little._

"_Umm, Totosai-sama? Could you help me? I can't get up on my own."_

_Still slack-jawed, he helped her to her feet. _

_She found she could walk on her own, and once she moved around, most of the stiffness vanished. "Totosai-sama, do you know where Sesshomaru-sama is?"_

_Totosai nodded, but told her to wait, because he had not followed the path of relatively cool stone that let to the youkai smith's door._

_She wandered around the cave, getting rid of the last of her kinks. She lay down on the warm stone floor, thinking, _I'll just take a small nap._ It felt like only moments later, she heard something scuffling, and someone choking out, "She...Alive.......Alive."_

_She opened her eyes to see...Sesshomaru-sama! Who was holding the poor Totosai a foot off the floor._

"_Do you have a death-wish, Totosai?" As always, completely smooth on the surface, Sesshomaru-sama's voice rang in her ears. "I told you that I wished to be left alone!" She had never heard him so irate, his voice rising to nearly a shout._

_He tightened his grip, and Totosai's face began to turn an alarming purple. She shifted her focus to Sesshomaru-sama's face, and was shocked._

_His eyes were burning red, and his expression was so anguished it was nearly insane._

_She pushed herself up from the floor, rushed over to Sesshomaru-sama and threw her arms around his chest, "Sesshomaru-sama!" She hugged him so tightly she heard his ribs creak._

_She heard Totosai drop to the floor, still breathing, thankfully. "Rin?"_

"_Sesshomaru-sama."_

_She felt his hands come up her back, and his claws lightly scratched the back of her neck as he...hugged her back!_

"_Oh, Rin." he sighed. She never wanted to let go, but eventually his hands dropped, and she knew it was time to step away._

_When she saw his face, she was surprised._

_On the surface, it was as stony as ever, but she knew him well enough to see past his mask._

_There was relief in his eyes, and, tender concern?_

_His eyes flicked to Totosai, who had gotten to his feet. _

_She went back to retrieve the dagger lying near where she had napped. _

"_NO!"_

_She ignored the shout and bent, carefully, to get the weapon. It wasn't there when her hands got there._

_Without turning she said, "Sesshomaru-sama, please give me my dagger."_

"_No."_

"_I have mastered it, you saw me grab it, the only way I would still be alive is if I had beaten the blade."_

_She looked at Totosai for help. "She speaks the truth, you know." He said. "I saw it with my own eyes. I would not have believed it possible, but this young lady has mastered your fang."_

_Rin blushed when Totosai called her "young lady" instead of "girl."_

_Since she wouldn't be a "woman" for a few centuries in a yukai's opinion, "young lady" was a compliment, coming from him._

_She turned to face Sesshomaru-sama. "Please?"_

_His grip on the handle tightened, then, very slowly, he brought it toward her._

_Very slowly, she brought her hand up, and touched the hilt. When nothing happened, he let her take the weapon from his hand._

_She wondered what he was thinking._

_Watching Sesshomaru-sama watching her, she asked, "Totosai-sama, do you have a sheath for this?"_

******************************

She smiles in remembering, and admires, for the umpteenth time, the way the firelight plays over the ripples in the steel, refracting, making the fire appear to dance twice as hard as it is.

The blade is much like Sesshomaru-sama, she reflects, cold, graceful, with surprises lurking just beneath the surface.

At least he had a heartbeat.

She looks over at Sesshomaru-sama again, hoping without any hope. That one day had been the only time he had ever shown such, _intense_, emotion for her; afterward, he certainly hasn't been any colder toward her, but it was as though none of it had ever happened.

_Stop living in the past girl, it is over, it does no good to be pining when you could be _doing_!_

She rolls onto her side so she could watch him, and tells the voice in her head to go stuff it.


	3. Fear

This and the previous chappy were edited by Inashosetai, wonderful unofficial beta

* * *

She wakes up at false dawn to the sound of birdsong, and gets to her feet. The fire is out, and Ah-Un is still lying to the side of the clearing. She tries her luck fishing in the pond, but cannot catch anything. After an hour or so, she curses the lack of running water. It was always so easy to see the damn fish when she fishes in a river!

She sighs at her outburst and continues drying off her legs with a cloth. "Jaken-sama," she yells, "are you there?" Jaken often left before she woke up to find something to eat.

She can hear Jaken squawking from the brush, "What is it, you silly girl? Why are you yelling?"

"Did you find anything? The pond if out of fish." She does not have to yell anymore because Jaken's hearing is very good, once you got his attention. She heard a lot of grumbling from his direction. She hopes that he will answer her instead of telling her to…

"I've found some tasty mushrooms."

"Are they the ones that only you can eat, Jaken-sama?"

He sounds slightly guilty, "Yes."

She thinks she can hear something about "picky child" and shakes her head. Jaken-sama never seems to understand that avoiding being violently ill isn't being picky.

Several hours later, Sesshomaru-sama comes back to camp, innocent as a cat…with cream on his whiskers, she thinks.

Though she never dares to ask, Rin always wonders where Sesshomaru-sama goes so mysteriously, and she worries whenever he is late.

This time will be different, she thinks.

"Sesshomaru-sama?"

He turns to look at her, pinning her to the forest floor like an insect on a card. She can't help but smile.

"What were you doing this morning?"

He doesn't answer; instead he says to Jaken, "Let's go."

That day passes like innumerable others, she walks or she rides Ah-Un, she steals from some nearby fields, but mostly she watches Sesshomaru-sama.

Once she went to pick some flowers for him. "Here, Sesshomaru-sama." She said, holding the pink and white blossom. "For you."

He accepts it, which always makes her blush. And then she blushes for blushing in the first place.

Suddenly they come across the body of a gigantic youkai, obviously dead for several days.

"Pheewww." Jaken edges up to the carcass. "What a stench. What do you think did this? Must have been pretty powerful."

Sesshomaru-sama immediately starts running, and Ah-Un follows by taking to the air. Jaken starts squawking and running to catch up. "Wait for me! Waaaaiiiit!" He makes a lunge and catches the end of the stirrup, and Rin pulls him on board.

_Whenever he hears the word "powerful" he always takes off at full speed._ She thinks, wondering why he always wants to test himself.

They run through the forest, and across a plain, finding the devastation typical of a rampaging youkai.

They reach youkai as it is terrorizing a village, tearing into the houses as though they were made of straw. Sesshomaru-sama brings his hand up in a gesture she is all too familiar with. In an instant the bright green whip snaps into the body of the bull, bringing it's head snapping up from it's feast of human flesh. Rin watches in awe as Sesshomaru-sama dances death around the creature, always one step ahead of it's claws. Only once does it make any contact. In a surprisingly quick slash, it catches him and throws him to the ground, but he springs back up and continues massacring the youkai.

Jaken is trembling. She can feel him shaking as he leans against her stomach, but whether it is fear of the bull youkai, or fear for Sesshomaru-sama, she doesn't know, but it had better not be fear _of_ Sesshomaru-sama, or he is going to get an extra lump on his head.

Jaken jumps down and starts yelling and waving his staff around in circles, which never fails to make her smile; she wonders how he manages not to go flying when he swings. Then she realizes why he has gotten down; the youkai is coming after _them_. Rin gets off Ah-Un and takes a wild zigzag path to the trees, hoping it won't take a lucky swing. Her hand drops to her dagger, and she draws it, hoping she will not have to use it.


	4. Blood

Thanks again to Inashosetai for editing my stuff!

I seem to have gotten a number of readers, but surprisingly few reviews, remember, it is a sin, not to mention really mean, not to read & REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!

(Don't make me hunt you down and shake it out of you.)

* * *

The youkai, missing her by a narrow margin, drew back for a second strike, but she darts into the woods before it can begin its second swing. She hears it roar in pain, then crash to the ground. The impact makes the ground shake, and Rin falls, gouging her palm on a buried twig.

With a roar of fury the bull rolls to its feet, nearly crushing Rin, and charges Sesshomaru-sama. She silently thanks her lord and scrambles one handedly to get up. She runs into a small cave formed by the roots of a tree, and she notices as she hears a squawk, that Jaken has the same idea. It is a tight fit with the two of them, but they are both hidden from the sight of the youkai.

Unfortunately, they are not hidden from its sense of smell.

They hear Sesshomaru-sama running toward them—he is all speed, there is no need for stealth now—but they can feel the bull's efforts uprooting the tree, and shaking their hiding place. Rin's grip on her dagger tightens until her knuckles are white. She hates using it, since the youki in the blade is barely compatible with her human blood, she is always aching fiercely the next day.

With a great _SNAP_, like a rope breaking, the tree comes out of the ground, showering her with rocks and clumps of dirt. A rock strikes her upraised arm, giving her a nice gash. _Well, aren't I going to be a pretty sight in the morning,_ she thinks as she dodges wildly, looking for a new hiding place.

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees a hand as big as her reaching for her. The dagger hums in her grip; it too knows there is no other option, and with the ease of long practice, and boy did she _ever_ practice, she sends the youki spinning out as she slashes at the hand with the blade. The resulting arc of light cuts through the hand and arm of the youkai as easily as a hot poker through snow.

At the same time, Sesshomaru-sama cuts off the same arm with his whip. Then he hits the youkai's neck. Rin feels something warm run down her legs.

She is lying on the ground when Sesshomaru-sama finishes with the bull. He dashes for her previous hiding place, eyes widening, then follows her scent to where she is lying.

He takes one look at her, and says, "There is a stream up over there. Jaken, go with her."

Rin gladly takes his advice. Wetting herself was unacceptable, as was the timing. For Kami-sama's sake, it was _after_ the bull was defeated.

She splashes around in the stream, cleaning her hand and arm, and washing her kimono.

She puts on her wet kimono, and decides to do a little quick fishing Although it was getting dark, she can still see well enough. She wades over to an overhanging bank, and looks down into the water. What luck! There are three fish there, all of them at least as long as her forearm. She carefully measures them, trying to find the biggest because she knows she will only catch one.

She carefully sticks her hands into the water, and slowly, _slowly,_ brings them up under the belly of the nearest one, then; she slams her hands up, grabbing the head and belly in a death grip. It doesn't fight her for long, but it is hard to hold; it is as big around as her calf. She looks at it, then says, "Hey, Jaken-sama! How much do you like trout?"

Unlike most times, they could not thread this fish on a stick whole, so Rin has to clean it. She cut it up into three pieces, just in case Sesshomaru-sama wanted some. Then she picks up the packet of herbs she had collected that day and some precious salt that she had stolen in one of the villages they had passed through, and seasoned the fish. As the fish starts cooking, she stares into the fire, waiting to the aches to start. Almost as if they were politely waiting for her to finish what she was doing, cramps start to roll up her back.

Fifteen minutes later, she gets up from her fetal position. Jaken-sama had thoughtfully taken her and Sesshomaru-sama's pieces off the fire, and put them on a leaf, so they are not burnt.

Rin does not know if her stomach is up to solid food yet, but it is still warm, and smells amazing.

All in all, this time isn't so bad. She has definitely had worse, and the aftereffects are already disappearing.

She looks up, right into the eyes of Sesshomaru-sama.

He is sitting across the fire from her, intent on her every movement.

She reddens, and asks him, as she does every night, "Are you hungry, Sesshomaru-sama?"

_He nods._

After she brings him his, she starts on hers, discreetly(?) watching him. He does not bite into it, instead choosing to use his hands to eat. Delicately he pulls off small pieces and carries them to his mouth. Then he stops. "Aren't you hungry, Rin?"

She realizes that she has stopped eating. _Well, so much for being inconspicuous,_ she thinks. "Yes." She sinks her teeth into her fish again, and he resumes eating as well.

When he finishes, he throws his stick into the fire, and the fur on his shoulder is pulled up his arm, revealing a long, deep and painful looking gash.

"Oh, Sesshomaru-sama! What happened to your arm?"

With typical stoicism, he replies, "It is nothing."

"Nonsense, it has to be at least an inch deep. Let me look at it." She gets up, walks around the fire and kneels next to him to look at his arm.

He pulls the fur back over the wound and retracts the rest of his arm under it as well, "I told you, it is nothing."

Her face hardens, promising pain if he does not hand over his arm quickly. "Let me see it."

Reluctantly, or so it seems to her, he pulls his limb out from under the fur.

When she sees his injury, guilt ties her stomach into an intricate knot. She recognizes this type of wound, because she owns the blade that made it.

"Oh, Sesshomaru-sama! I am so sorry, I should have seen you, I should have known..." Her eyes start to tear up.

Sesshomaru-sama's decisive tone cuts off her babbling, "Rin, it wasn't your fault."

Her tears disappear, and her gut loosens a little, "At least let me look after your arm, Sesshomaru-sama."

She remembers when he got it; she thought it had missed him because it her dagger had never cut so far into her enemy before.

The wound is deep, but it has missed severing any major muscles, so it will not take long to heal. Kagome taught her about some of the healing techniques in her era, and about the body, so she is well-armed against injury. She winces._ That was a terrible joke._ She thinks.

She takes out a needle and thread, but Sesshomaru-sama shakes his head.

"It is not so serious as that."

She takes another look at it, and decides to let it be, she isn't sure if it is worth arguing over. She knows he is a reasonable judge of his injuries, so she trusts him. She knows that he wouldn't try to "tough it out."

She gets out a roll of silk bandage, she still can't believe she is using silk for bandages, and gently, but tightly, starts wrapping Sesshomaru-sama's arm.

*********Sesshomaru***********

As he watches the young girl bandaging his arm, he feels grateful toward whatever forces brought her into his life. Even though he functioned perfectly well on his own, he had been missing something before. He now feels, complete. Yes, that is the word, complete. He sighs in contentment.

She hesitates and looks up at him, worried about something. "Are the bandages too tight Sesshomaru-sama?"

She is so gentle; he had forgotten that she was tending him. He shakes his head in answer, and she goes back to bandaging his arm.

*****************************

The next morning, Rin wakes up to Jaken's screeching. He sounds like a crow being run over by a wagon.

"Rin! Rin! Wake UP!"

She groans and throws a stick at him.

"Rin, don't throw things at me! You are covered in blood!"

_That_ gets her attention.

She throws off her blanket, to find her kimono smeared with blood.


	5. A FaceReddening Conversation

please correct me if my spelling is off with the Japanese, and also tell me a few common words, nice ones, that I could use

* * *

Rin takes one look at herself and starts to hyperventilate.

"What is happening to me?!" she wails. Then her self-control takes over, shoving fear and uncertainty to the back corner of her mind, like it always does, allowing her room to think rationally.

_That back corner has been overused these past few days._

Her breathing slows, she sits down, and she does her best to think about what is happening to her body.

She immediately rules out anything that she ate, and her dagger has nothing to do with it because she has used it many times before without anything happening to her other than the cramps. Unless...it is because she has used it so much, the final straw, as it were.

That left either sickness, or something else.

She shoots up from her position on the ground and starts to run to Ah-Un, but went sprawling with Jaken-sama yelling for her to get off him. She didn't see him watching her.

She gets to her knees and helps Jaken-sama to his feet. "Gomen, gomen Jaken-sama," she apologizes, "I am just worried."

Jaken-sama looks at her thoughtfully. For once, he does not screech at her or anything. Instead, he says, "I can show you to the nearest human village, if you would like me to."

She surprises both of them by hugging him around the neck. "Arigatou, thank you." She lets go of him and sits back to watch in enjoyment as his eyes go buggy (buggier). She is grateful toward him that he is offering his help so freely, and it is the only way she could think of to thank him. Not to mention that she knows she will replay his expression many times in the future.

Jaken-sama gives her detailed directions to the nearest village, "And be sure to be on foot when you enter!" He warns.

She gives him one of her cheeky smiles and urges Ah-Un into the air.

She is careful to hide the presence of the two-headed dragon from the villagers, opting to walk the last half mile to the village. Once she arrives, she asks for a healer or a miko. They immediately point her in the direction of the woman's hut, as their miko is a healer as well. Her stomach feels carved out of solid rock, but no matter what she does, she cannot make her nerves go away.

"Um, excuse me? Miko-sama?"

The young woman turns around, continuing to grind something with a mortar and pestle. "What is it?"

"Uh..." Okay, she really has no idea where to go from there. "I, uh...I dunno where to start."

"How about your name."

"Um...My name is Rin." She stammers. She is easily cherry red, and her face feels like it might just scorch off. She sounded like the village idiot.

"I'm bleeding!"

The woman sets down her mortar and takes in the circumstances; not injured, check; embarrassed, check; alone, check.

"Where are you bleeding?"

Rin flushes even redder—_How is that even possible?_—and points.

The miko grins. "Has this ever happened before? It's okay if you want to just nod or shake your head."

Rin nods.  
"Any aching or cramps in your belly?"

Rin thinks about it and nods; she thought that she had felt something earlier, as she walked to the village, but dismissed it as left-over aches from the night before.

The miko grins even wider. "Congratulations, Rin, you're a woman!"

Rin's face bunches up in confusion. "Aren't I already female?"

The miko shakes her head in wonderment. "You mean that you've never been told..."

"Nope." Rin shifts awkwardly, thinking that this is some deficiency on her part.

The miko, the wonderful woman, smiles, closes her eyes, and sighs. "It would seem that I have some explaining to do."

*********Sesshomaru***********

Sesshomaru walks through the forest, thinking about something that has invaded his thoughts for several days now.

Rin.

He has been able to smell the changes in her body, but, lacking a way to either to tell her what was happening or to predict what would happen, he has remained silent.

He stopped under a tree whose leaves were particularly bright this autumn, and stares up at the sky through their changing patterns.

He knows that she had, as his clan would put it, gone into heat, but he does not know how such things affect humans. He knew that they certainly are not affected as inuyoukai were, but there were still many options to consider.

Now that she is, fertile, he knows he should leave her at a village he deems suitable.

But...

He closes his eyes and leans against the side of a nearby boulder.

*****************************

"And you do what?!"

Rin is sitting on a mat across from Minora-san, mouth hanging open.

They had already spoken about the technicalities of what happened when she started her cycle. Now Minora is telling her about what actually happens when a woman actually beds a man. And some of the ways one goes about pleasuring said male.

It is obvious that she is enjoying Rin's astonishment.

"Rub, just rub, you'll see the effects soon enough."

"Any particular place?" Rin is interested in spite of herself; who knew that there were so many things one could do to a man.

Minora-san leans in close, as though telling a secret. "That's the wonderful thing about men, there is no particular spot. Lots of things about them seem to be rather general in nature, so there aren't so many details to work out."

Rin has to ask, "How do you know this, since you're a miko?"

Then it is Minora-san's turn to blush. "I had a lover a while back, before I was chosen to be a miko. It didn't work out, but I did learn a few things before we broke up." She says with a wink.

Rin sits back on her heels and looks at her. "I'll say."

Suddenly, something occurs to Minora. "Wait, your name is Rin, right?"

Rin's head tilts to the side. "Yes."

Minora starts to look excited. "Are you alone, or are you with someone?"

Rin tenses. "What exactly do you mean by 'with someone'?"

"Are you traveling with someone? Or are you traveling alone?" Minora is definitely starting to get excited, but Rin can't fathom why.

"I'm not alone."

"Who are you with then?" It is obvious to Rin that the other woman can barely contain herself.

Rin figures it can't do any harm to tell her. "Sesshomaru-sama, Jaken-sama and Ah-Un."

Minora's hand comes up to her mouth, presumably to keep it from falling to the floor. "So you're _the_ Rin," she squeaks.


	6. Rin's Past

This will be my last chapter for a while, finals are coming up soon, and between that and sports I barely have time to piss, pardon my French. Sorry, I will be writing, just not at the same pace.

* * *

"What do you mean, _the_ Rin? I'm just an ordinary girl."

"What are you talking about, 'ordinary'? From what I've heard, you're anything but."

Rin is unsure what to say. Obviously she is held in awe by this woman, but Rin has no idea how to handle her.

"What exactly have you heard about me?"

"Only that you travel with three demons, one of which is the son of the great Dog General. Supposedly he hates humans, but somehow you are his companion."

Rin is amazed that this woman, in this far-flung village, has heard about her or Sesshomaru-sama. Or that she knows who Sesshomaru-sama's father was. "I don't know what to say…" She feels dizzy, as though she has stood up too quickly.

*********Sesshomaru***********

Sesshomaru, the Aristocratic Assassin, the Killing Perfection, makes his way back to camp, only half paying attention to his surroundings. He is still distracted by memories of the young child he saved on that forest path.

He had only saved her because he wanted to test Tenseiga.

No, that wasn't right, not entirely. He had felt he had a small debt to her for staying by him as he healed from the loss of his arm. By all rights, she should have run away when she had seen him the first time, he had snarled at her after all. But she had stayed, and tried to help him 'get better', as she put it.

So he had saved her.

But afterward, instead of flying away, he had walked, allowing her to follow him.

He still isn't sure, all these days and years later, if he had felt pity because her village had been destroyed, or because he had been simply feeling a curious indulgence toward the girl.

He hears the imp, Jaken, squealing for him back at the clearing. He smells Rin's blood.

*****************************

Minora is still looking at her in absolute awe, and it's starting to make Rin uncomfortable. "Stop looking at me like that, I'm just like you. For Kami-sama's sake, you just explained to me what a period is!"

The miko still stares, though she seems a little less stunned than before.

Rin is getting desperate. "If you don't stop staring at me like I just fell out of the sky, I'm going to throw my tea at you."

That works.

Rin feels a little guilty about her threat, but it is nowhere near strong enough to wash away the relief she feels when Minora looks away.

Of course, the other woman's gaze immediately returns to Rin, but thankfully, there is no longer the worship that had been there before. Now Minora's expression seems more shrewd than anything.

Then it just gets awkward. They sit in absolute silence for a few minutes, until Minora finally says, "What's it like, traveling with three demons?"

Rin sat back on her heels, not expecting a question that is so thoughtful. Or rather, a question whose answer would make the other woman think. She expected a question more along the lines of, "So, how many people has he killed?" Rin is grateful that there are some people that are open to the idea that not all youkai are vicious killers.

"Would you like me to tell you my opinion or my experiences?"

"One moment." Minora fills the teakettle and puts it over the fire to steep. "Start at the beginning."

***********Minora************

She has only heard a few whispers of rumor about this girl, but already it feels as though they have been friends for years. It was probably the sex talk they had.

She is dying to know more about this woman's life. She has heard less pleasant things about Rin, but had dismissed most of them as gossip-inflated tales, but there are some that she is dying to know the truth about. The most polite way to get her questions answered seems to be to listen to Rin tell about her life and Minora could decide the truth about her without asking embarrassing questions.

Like if she and Sesshomaru were lovers.

*****************************

Rin starts at the beginning.

"I was young when I was orphaned, I wasn't older than six. I don't remember exactly. Bandits came to our house and burned it to the ground. They killed anyone who tried to escape. The only reason I survived was I was in the barn, getting some flour for our soup. By the time I heard the screams, it was too late, so I ran into the woods and hid for two days.

"I went back to find that they had not killed everyone who tried to escape. My mother and older sister had tried to run, but were caught before they could reach the trees. They had been beaten and raped, brutally." Rin closes her eyes; she has to stop, the memories are coming back too vividly for her to continue. She feels a hand on her back.

"You don't have to tell me if it's too painful for you."

Rin shakes her head. "I will answer your question, but you need to know this to understand."

Minora can see how much it is hurting Rin to tell her this, but the girl forges on, willing to bear the pain if only someone will understand.

"My older sister was still alive. Barely. I went to her, I tried to feed her some of the cheese that I had found hidden under the hay in our barn, but she refused it, saying, 'You keep it, you need it more than I.' She looked so relieved when she saw me, she was so happy that someone had survived. She even smiled, after everything she had gone through, she still smiled when she saw me. She died a few hours later, from a fever that I couldn't stop."

"I buried them as best I could, and I salvaged as much as I could from the ashes of our house and from the destroyed barn, and I walked to the village, half a day away. When I got to the village and told people what had happened, everyone started out immediately.

"But not to help."

"The villagers, people who had known my family for years, who had brought things to help when someone in my family was sick, those, people, looted what was left of the ruins, taking whatever they wanted; they didn't even light incense at the graves, or leave an offering of flowers for the spirits. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. When I tried to stop them, a man hit me with my father's hoe, saying, 'This belongs to us now.' He did not say it cruelly; he said it like a statement of fact, and that hurt more than the welt from the hoe. After they were gone there was nothing left and when I tried to follow, they chased me off."

Rin's expression hardens, "Since I was a _girl_," her voice drips venom, "no one wanted me. I lived by stealing and snatching from middens; if I was lucky someone would take pity on me and perhaps give me some rice or a vegetable that wasn't half rotten, but for the most part, the next years passed as a seemingly endless cycle of beatings, cold nights and hunger."

Her expression softens again. "I went into the woods by our village often to look for food, and one day, I ventured farther than I ever had before. The sun was going down, and I took a wrong turn. I was trying to find my way back when I came to a pocket in the woods that was too quiet. You couldn't even hear the leaves rustling. If I had known the woods better, I would have known to be scared, but I was curious. I searched. It was getting dark by the time I found him. He looked like a god, sleeping at the bottom of the tree. I could see he was seriously injured, his arm was missing, and I could see other spots of blood on his clothes. When I broke a twig, the noise woke him. His eyes were red, and he snarled at me, and it scared me, but I didn't want to run. He tried to stand, but he was in too much pain to get up, and had to stay where he was. I was scared out of my mind, but I wanted to help him too. When I walked up next to him, he looked at me as though expecting me to slay him on the spot. He couldn't have done much to stop me. He was too badly injured.

"He kept looking into my eyes, but the intensity was too much, and I ran home to the little abandoned shack that I had made my own. I didn't stay long though, just long enough to get some food for my 'god in the woods'. I made my way back to the clearing where he was, but when I offered him the fish, he said, 'I don't eat human food.' I left the food anyway, in case it was just his pride that said that.

"I came back the next day. I brought grain; in my logic, if he didn't eat human food, maybe he would eat that. He refused again, saying that he didn't eat human food. I decided that if he didn't eat, that was fine. He was the first person who didn't yell or throw things at me, and if he did not want to eat, maybe he could use some company. We didn't talk at all, but it was very nice to just sit with another person. As the day wore on, he got used to me sitting there, though he never seemed to relax. I only left twice, once to find lunch, and then to go home to sleep."

Rin stops when Minora gets up and pours them both some tea. When Minora sits down, Rin continues.

"That night, I tried to steal some fish from the netted area that the villagers had set up as a kind of fish preserve. That time I wasn't lucky and they saw me before I could hide. They beat me as they always did when they caught me stealing. It was over soon, I had had worse. As I walked back to my hut, I heard one of the men say, 'That girl's a strange one, she never cries.' One of the others replied, 'She's a mute, hasn't said a word since her parents died.'"

Minora is startled by the news. "You were mute?"

Rin nods. "I hadn't spoken since I told the villagers that my home had been attacked. There was no _reason_ for me to talk; my family was dead, and everyone in the village had betrayed me."

"I went back into the forest, of course, there was nothing else for me to do. When he saw me, his face didn't change, but he seemed concerned, and asked me where I got the bruises. It was the first time someone had cared about me, it made me feel so happy, I smiled for the first time since the bandits. When he asked me why I was smiling it only made me happier, and I laughed. I could have danced on the clouds, I was so happy. A few hours later I went and picked him a flower. He looked at it, confused, but he took it anyway. I promised myself that I would bring him a flower every day, to show him how happy I was." Rin pauses, once again lost in memory.

"The next day, I got up early so I would have time to get something to eat before I went back. When I got back to my hut, though, I found someone already there. There was an ugly old youkai drinking out of my water jar, and he gave me a bad feeling. I heard a commotion in the village, like all the dogs had been let loose. The youkai cursed and ran out of my hut and tried to swim across the river, but he didn't get far; some large wolves dragged him back to shore. A scary, younger demon with a wolf tail grabbed him by the hair and said something. The other youkai handed over something purple and shiny, then asked for his freedom; he was slaughtered on the spot. I heard him say to let 'them' eat their fill, and screams started to rise from the village. Wolf youkai were attacking the only home I knew. I tried to run to the one in the woods, but I didn't make it. The wolves caught me before I got there, and I died on the path, not fifty yards from the clearing where he was."

Minora couldn't hold her tongue anymore, "You died?!"

"Wait, I'm not finished, obviously." She looked at herself with a wryly.

"The next thing I remember, I opened my eyes to see his face."


	7. Ah Un

Really sorry folks, I have a lot on my plate right now, and there's no guarantee of a break, even with spring break coming up, and I know this is a lame chapter…..arrgh! No please no pitchforks! *runs from various flying squishy things*

* * *

Rin looks up from the floor at Minora's face, not knowing what to expect from this woman whose job is to eradicate youkai. She is afraid of what Minora might think.

Minora stands up and walks out of the room without a word. Rin isn't sure what to make of the other woman's reaction; she is praying that their friendship is enough—that Minora's background won't lead her to the wrong conclusion. Rin lets go of the dagger that she had unconsciously grasped as though it is burning her. That is entirely the kind of thing that she is hoping to avoid.

Minora walks back into the room carrying a staff in one hand.

Rin tenses but remains where she is, though her hand twitches toward her dagger again.

"Um…" She fiddles with the staff she is carrying. But strangely, instead of looking hostile, the woman looks almost...embarrassed. "Could I meet him?"

This statement takes Rin by surprise, to say the least. She looks at Minora stupidly. "Meet who?"

"Sesshomaru-sama of course!"

Rin's face falls. "That wouldn't be the best idea."

"Why not?"

"Sesshomaru-sama isn't exactly, _fond_ of humans." Rin does not want to explain this; it brings up questions that are best never thought about. What was so special about her, that he let her stay, or why had he saved her in the first place?

"Oh. I had hoped that that was just another rumor as well…" The woman sags, obviously saddened by the news.

Rin wants to cheer her up, but introducing them is not an option.

Rin has an epiphany. "How would you like to meet Ah-Un?" She is grinning from ear to ear, thinking that she just might have a way to cheer her friend up.

Seconds later the two women depart the miko's hut.

It takes them only a quarter of an hour to reach the place where she left Ah-Un.

When they reach the clearing and Minora sees Ah-Un she steps forward to greet him. Rin roughly grabs her arm. "What are you thinking? Those claws of his aren't for decoration you know. If you approach him like that you'll be ripped to shreds." Rin's voice is harsh, but so is the warning she is giving.

Minora looks at her feet, embarrassed by her enthusiasm.

Rin steps forward and greets Ah-Un. He nuzzles her happily, then looks at the new person that she brought.

Minora stands back, but it is obvious that she wants to run over and pet the two-headed dragon.

Then something happens that surprises both women. Ah-Un gets up from his bed of grass and walks over to Minora. She squeaks when both heads start sniffing at her, but she reaches into a pocket and pulls out—lemongrass.

Rin rolls her eyes. _Ah-Un, you pig. It figures, the one other human that you meet just _happens_ to have your favourite treat in her pocket.­_

Minora pulls the grass out of the dragon's reach. "I'll let you have it if you let me get a closer look at you."

The dragon takes a step back and looks at the woman as though considering her offer, then both heads lunge forward to claim their prize, or at least, they try to claim it, because Minora pulls it away and divides the bundle evenly in two, keeping the odd stalk out for herself. They happily crunch into the treat.

Minora also seems happy as she finally gets a close look at something that she has never seen before.

* * *

A/N: I have been rewatching the anime, and I just realized what a cold hearted SOB Sesshomaru was in the early days, ha! Makes you appreciate how far he's come


End file.
